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You were hoping things would work out the way you wanted them to … the way you’d pictured them working out. But they didn’t. And now you’re disappointed. You’re discouraged. We all go through that experience. It’s part of being human.

So, what’s the problem? That you allowed yourself to have high hopes in the first place? Absolutely not. Abundant life isn’t possible without abundant hope.

And yet, many people react to that feeling of disappointment and discouragement so strongly that they swear they’ll never put themselves in a position to be “hurt again.” They resolve to never love again, never put themselves at risk for financial loss again, never leave themselves vulnerable to rejection in their work ever again.

Whatever the area of life, they’re going to pull back like a turtle disappearing into its shell. That’s a pretty normal human reaction, and, depending on the circumstances, it might take some time for the hurt to heal enough to consider taking another chance.

It’s understandable that our first reaction is to pull back, to limit our risk, to reduce our vulnerability when our hopes get dashed. But you can’t let that defensive reaction define your outlook toward life.

Don’t hope for too much and you won’t be disappointed is not a viable strategy for living well. When you lower your sights, when you resolve to play small, you limit what’s possible. You virtually guarantee that you won’t get what you really want.

No, hoping for too much is not the problem. Getting emotionally attached to having things work out in a very specific way is.

I speak frequently to groups of all kinds as part of my business. My primary goal is always to serve the people who’ve come to listen to me. My secondary goal is to attract new clients who could benefit from working with me.

So, when I go out to speak, I do what I can to clear my mind, “get out of my head” and become a channel for what the audience needs to hear that day. But I also usually have high hopes that people in the audience will like me and what I have to say enough to sign up for this newsletter and/or schedule a complimentary consultation with me.

Sometimes the audience just isn’t my target market. On one such occasion years ago, I’d spoken to a nice group and was pleased that they seemed to get value from the talk, but I was disappointed that relatively few people wanted more. I usually generate more interest than that. I decided I must have failed or at least done something wrong! I was really pretty discouraged, down on myself for supposedly not doing well, and questioning whether I was doing the right thing in speaking to certain groups.

The irony is that someone at that talk thought enough of me and my presentation to recommend me for the biggest speaking opportunity I’ve ever had, talking to 1,100 wonderful women about the things I care most about. I wouldn’t have missed that for the world! But I could have missed it had I let my discouragement keep me from being open to other opportunities.

When I adopt the mindset that things always work out for me and “success” doesn’t have to look a certain way, I do fine. I concentrate on being of service and let the universe sort out the rest. When I get attached to a particular result, I find myself trying too hard. I focus on controlling the outcome rather than letting go and letting good things happen. It doesn’t work so well and I get disappointed.

So here’s a little secret to help you get into the right mindset. Simply ask for what you want in this way: Please give me what I’m asking for … or something better!

That takes the results out of the little box we put our expectations in and expands the possibilities infinitely. And that’s a very good thing.

Case in point: The man who invented Post-It notes had just failed at creating permanently sticky glue. Yet an enormous success came out of that “failure” just because he was open to another interpretation of the results. He was open to the possibility of “something better” happening.

Three little words … or something better! … and that confining little box gets blown away to reveal endless blue sky and boundless possibility. And that’s what you really want, isn’t it? For things to work out so fabulously well that you can’t even imagine it?

Give up attachment. Give up trying to control the outcome and just allow what you want … or something a whole lot better … to come to you.

You’ll love how it works for you. I promise.

Wishing you all the best,
Denise

Meet Denise: Denise Hedges is a Business Development Coach and Speaker Coach for small business owners who want to be more comfortable, confident, and successful with their sales and marketing efforts. She specializes in helping them use speaking as a way to dramatically improve their results!

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