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How to Get Past Your Upset Quickly!

I woke up the other day and was just out of sorts.  You know, one of those days when you got up on the wrong side of the bed! My usual stretching and listening to something spiritually invigorating wasn’t making me feel better, so I went outside.

The day before, I’d hired our regular cleaning folks to do some extra work, which involved cleaning some deck furniture and covers with bleach.  I’d looked at their completed tasks, and they’d done a good job.  But when I walked outside the next morning, I discovered they’d splashed bleach on the front door, discoloring the paint at the bottom.  I showed Tom what happened and I actually started crying!

Yeah, I was frustrated, and even in the midst of the frustration, I knew the intensity of my reaction was over the top!

What’s going on?  As a life coach, I’m pretty self-aware and I couldn’t figure out why I was so upset!  Until …

I went inside and flipped my calendar to the current day … August 17 … and it all became perfectly clear.

August 17 is my deceased husband’s birthday.

Ah!  Now it made sense!

I was instantly reminded of a coaching distinction I learned from Landmark Education years ago.

You’re never upset by what you think you’re upset by.

Whenever you find yourself reacting negatively … especially if that reaction seems disproportionate to the incident that seems to have caused it … dig deeper.  There’s something else hiding underneath, which is the real cause of the upset.

For example, if you’re upset by something your spouse or partner just said to you, is it really what they just said or is it that it reminds you of something your parents used to say to you?

I’ve got to tell you, nearly every time I’ve looked for the real, core issue, I’ve found it lurking underneath.  Once you know the deeper issue causing the upset, you’re in a far better place to do something about it.

Tom telling me the front door was no big deal … that he’d paint it this weekend … didn’t have the power to make me feel better. But once I knew what it really was, I could pull a tool out of my toolbox to help me deal effectively with the underlying cause of my misalignment.  I did, and the upset went away almost instantly.

So, when you’re in the process of melting down over something, look inside and ask … What’s this really about? 

It’s probably something from your past that’s tapping you on the shoulder and causing you distress.

Shine a light on it, and it’ll quickly lose its power to upset.



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Meet Denise: Denise Hedges is a Business Development Coach and Speaker Coach for small business owners who want to be more comfortable, confident, and successful with their sales and marketing efforts. She specializes in helping them use speaking as a way to dramatically improve their results!