The Easy Way to Freedom from What Troubles You

“I should be over this by now!” Recently, in calls with my life coaching clients, several people have said this to me … exasperated that they’re still troubled by something they “should have” dealt with and put to rest by now. The issue was different in each case … the refrain exactly the same.

What’s troubling them is always something from their past … often childhood … that’s stuck with them, unresolved. And often, they’ve made up a “story” about it they believe to be true … one that traps them in an unhappy place … a bothered place … a place of self-criticism.

I can relate. When I was five, my parents told me I was “going on vacation,” and I ended up in the hospital, having open-heart surgery.

As an adult, able to process what happened logically, I know they had good reasons for what they told me. It was the 1960’s and the doctors told my parents not to tell me what was about to happen, because no child in NY State had ever survived the surgery! And I might have done what kids do, ask, “Why?” … “Will it hurt?” … “Will I get all better?” Opens a can of worms and, one way or another, sets the stage for a well-intentioned lie.

I’m happy to be alive … to be the first … and to have presented to the medical team as the feisty little kid I was! And what it left me with were abandonment issues. Not surprising really. I’d found myself alone in a hospital ward at five, wondering what the hell was happening.

“People will leave you.” “I’m on my own.” “You can’t count on anybody to be there and be straight with you.” All kinds of versions of, “It’s not safe!”

Have I had therapy? Of course!

Did I probably get an undergraduate degree in Psychology and a Masters in Counseling as an unconscious response to that story I’ve told myself for decades now? Probably.

And now, here I am as a Life and Business Coach, who continues to work on herself, peeling back the onion one layer at a time. Why? Because the onion doesn’t peel itself.

So, here’s my message to you.

Those issues you experienced in childhood … those “stories” you’ve told yourself over the years … are probably not going to go away 100 percent. They show up in times when you’re vulnerable, or when you’re tired or stressed.

Is that a bad thing? I guess it depends on how you look at it. Here’s a helpful way to frame it.

They show up when it’s time to peel back the onion one more layer and let “it” go just that much more.

And that’s OK. It’s a normal part of this thing called being human.

You aren’t some AI chatbot with no emotions and no history. You aren’t our solar system’s version of Mr. Spock.

So, what do you do when the thing that’s troubling your mind resurfaces to torment you?

Give yourself a break. Give yourself some grace.

Understand that practically everybody resurfaces stuff like this on a pretty regular basis. You are in no way unique. This whole need to work through trauma and emotional issues just comes with the territory of being incarnated human on the planet.

Don’t berate yourself, thinking there’s something wrong with you! That only makes it worse. It exacerbates the problem and causes you to suffer.

Acknowledge what shows up. Let it bubble up for further healing and transformation. Maybe even welcome it. See the gift in it.

And welcome yourself to the human race!

Flawed … yet still wondrous.

Love,