Contact Me


You Regularly Sacrifice Your Peace & Well-being for This!

As I’m working with my life and business coaching clients, I often see themes … re-occurring issues, challenges, or opportunities that several of them are dealing with at about the same time.  It’s often something I’m dealing with as well.  And that’s part of the beauty of being a life coach.

I’m subject to the same issues and challenges and I can’t exempt myself from following the advice I give folks.

I have to “walk the talk” alongside my clients.

A theme I’ve been noticing lately is how much our self-righteousness gets in the way of what we want … both at work and in our relationships.

By self-righteousness, I’m talking about the feeling that you’re right.  You’re correct.  Your position is justified.  And you probably feel a little superior for holding that position.

If we get really honest with ourselves, we sure do like to be right!  It’s a human thing.  It seems to be built into our “operating system.”

In fact, we’ll often sacrifice our own peace of mind … getting angry or irritated and working ourselves up over how justified and righteous we are.

That company policy or that procedure is WRONG!

Our partner … our family member … our co-worker or employee … has the wrong opinion or is doing things the wrong way.

We know the RIGHT way, and if everybody would just go along with the program, it’d all be okay.

I’ll often ask my clients … and yes, even myself … what’s being “right” in this self-righteous kind of way costing you?

Peace of mind … calm … health and well-being … the ability to work things out and move forward … close connection to the person or people who disagree with you or who do things differently.

And yet, we still do it.  Sometimes consciously … sometimes not.

The first step to dissolving the self-righteousness is to bring it into your consciousness.  Begin to notice how much you like to be right.

When you become conscious of it, you have a choice.  You might choose to say this issue is so important to me that I have to take a stand.

If it’s a question of personal integrity or real material consequence, by all means, hold firm.

Just ditch the attitude.

That said, I gotta tell ya, most of the time when we’re choosing to be self-righteous, it’s not about the big important life issues … the hills to die on.  It’s about the little annoyances of life.

Somebody failed to show up for an appointment. Somebody else is always late.  Argggh!

The company isn’t flexible enough with hours and work from home.  They don’t communicate important information in a timely enough manner.  People can’t get to the point in meetings.

Somebody left the toilet seat up or dishes in the sink.

All genuine irritations.

But, ask yourself, do I really want to get all self-righteous when my husband/wife, partner, co-worker isn’t doing something the way I think they should? 

Is it worth the stress … the lack of peace?  Do I really want to make this bigger in my mind, allowing it to occupy valuable mental real estate and generate emotional upset? 

Or is there something more important than that … like the relationship you want to have with this person or the positive feelings you want to have about working for the company?

Assuming that peace, harmony, and positivity are more important than being “right,” what do you do?


Realize it’s a choice to make the issue in question about right and wrong when it’s just about what works and what doesn’t.

Drop the judgment as much as you can and just let go of whatever’s irking you.  Just let it go.

It’s okay to be annoyed in the moment.  How could you not be?

Just don’t turn your passing irritation into a campaign to improve the world with you as the head improver and paragon of virtue.

Don’t do it for two important reasons.

Self-righteousness is unbecoming … and it doesn’t do anything to actually improve things … which makes the choice of whether to judge or not pretty clear, doesn’t it?




If you’d like to subscribe to my newsletter

Request Time With Denise

Meet Denise: Denise Hedges is a Business Development Coach and Speaker Coach for small business owners who want to be more comfortable, confident, and successful with their sales and marketing efforts. She specializes in helping them use speaking as a way to dramatically improve their results!