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We sold our former home last week.  Closed … signed, sealed, and delivered.   And as relieved as we are to no longer have two homes to keep up, I’ve been feeling rather contemplative and sentimental.

Buying that house was a huge beginning for me many years ago when I moved to Asheville to take the position as the Festivals Coordinator for the City.

I was single.  Barely over the grief of my husband’s death.  Buying my first house all on my own.  Taking on a BIG job in a city where I didn’t know a soul.  Moving to the mountains of Western North Carolina … a place I loved and often escaped to when the grief and sadness were too great.

It was in that house that I let go of my former life and started to build a new one.   That house is where I proved to myself that “I could do it.”

And now, it’s time to say goodbye to this “structure” that not only comforted me in my sadness but also housed wonderful memories of my grandchildren’s visits and supported the beginning of a life that Tom and I built together.

Last week, I went through each and every room … remembering both the happy and the sad.  And saying, thank you.  Thank you for the harbor of safety you provided me in so many ways, including during the hurricane nearly a year ago.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the circle of our lives … all the beginnings and endings we move through in our lifetime.  And the importance of closure.

Now, it’s fairly easy to get the closure you need with a house.  You just have to be intentional about it.  And aware of all the different emotions you’re experiencing.

Closure isn’t so easy when it’s with the people in your life.  And yet, that’s when it’s most important.

When a relationship ends … whether it’s romantic, a friendship, or with a family member … there are often unanswered questions, unresolved feelings, and uncertainty.  

Closure doesn’t always mean reconciliation or even full understanding, but what closure provides is a sense of finality that allows you to move forward.

In May of this year, I wrote a newsletter that centered around the story of someone, who I was once very close to, ghosting me.  I got an unusual number of responses from my readers who were experiencing this as well!  The pain they felt was very real.

As humans, we seem to need closure and also tend to avoid it … mostly because of the emotional discomfort we have to move through.  We seem to avoid closure, because the process of reaching it feels worse … and scarier … than the pain of leaving things unresolved.

But there are consequences.  Avoiding closure may shield you from pain in the moment, but it traps you in the past and blocks any healing and growth that could occur.

So, I’m asking you to take a moment and look at your life.  The full circle of your life.

Be honest.  Is there anything that feels incomplete?  A change in your life that needs to be acknowledged and emotions that need to be processed?  A chapter closing or a new one opening?  Things you regret?

Is there a conversation you need to have, but you’re avoiding it?  And if you’re not willing to take on that conversation, how can you work through your feelings?  A conversation with yourself perhaps?

I can tell you firsthand that you can have closure with someone who isn’t an active participant in the process.  I can still remember one of the final letters I wrote to my deceased husband.  It works.

Whatever way you choose, give yourself the gift of closure and see what else opens up.

Trust me.  The sense of relief and peace you feel is worth the effort.

Love,

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Meet Denise: Denise Hedges is a Business Development Coach and Speaker Coach for small business owners who want to be more comfortable, confident, and successful with their sales and marketing efforts. She specializes in helping them use speaking as a way to dramatically improve their results

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