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It’s a simple one … yet profound in its import.

Why am I talking?

In business, as in life, the strength of your connections with other people plays a huge part in the success of your relationships.  The strength of your relationships naturally translates to the success … or lack thereof … of any business you’re running.

And what builds the strength of a relationship more than your partner in conversation feeling heard and understood by you?  Not much.

And what does it take for you … and me … to really hear and understand the other person?

We need to hit the mute button on ourselves … and listen. 

Now, let’s be clear.  That doesn’t mean you can’t talk.

It just means you have to prioritize listening over talking and work to seek the right balance between hearing someone out and chiming in with something that truly furthers the discussion … something that enhances the value of the dialogue.

We all know people who are “talkers.”  Once they get goin’, you can hardly get a word in edgewise.

I bring this up as the extreme example of what you want to avoid when it comes to the talking / listening balance.

I recently had an interaction with a nice man who I’d just done some business with.  He was very professional and delivered on his end.  No muss, no fuss.  AND, talking with him was a one-way street.

I had to drop a few hints and kind of nudge him toward the door, so we’d be ready for our ride to the Cancun airport due to arrive in 15 minutes.

Nothing he said was uninteresting.  It was just a lot and pretty much non-stop.  It was not a dialogue.

He hadn’t found the right balance.

As a coach, it’s so important for me to keep asking the question, Why am I talking?  And it was extra important as I started out in my coaching.  How important?  So important I posted a sign next to my chair with the letters WAIT on it.  Why am I talking?

You coaches and counselors out there know what I’m saying.  First and foremost, people need to be heard.  You ain’t goin’ anywhere without taking the time to do the intense listening required to relate to them and maybe walk a mile or two in their moccasins.

Okay, that’s great for the interpersonal stuff.  But what about hard core business and something like the sales interaction?  Isn’t that about making your case, offering features and benefits … selling the sizzle … and all that? 

Well yeah, that’s clearly a part of it, but just like the coach or therapist needing to really hear where the client or patient is coming from, the salesperson needs to do the same.

And for the coaches and therapists reading this, make sure you’re demonstrating the same level of listening and understanding during the “sales” interaction as you do in your practice.  Don’t change anything just because the context is different.  The elements of listening, reflecting what you heard, appreciating concerns, and asking questions are critical … and what true service is all about.

It’s the necessary first step.  Skip it on your way to trying to persuade someone to do something you want them to do and you’ll likely be left wondering why people aren’t taking you up on your offer in the percentages you’d like them to.

Again, this is business, so it’s a balance.

You aren’t seeking enlightenment … “He who speaks does not know.  He who knows does not speak.”

You’re trying to help people make the best choices possible.  That requires the most robust and focused dialogue possible … with you being very mindful about when to speak and very judicious about what you actually say.

Ask great questions and listen.  Find out what problem you can help them solve.  And when it’s time to talk, make this your standard.  Say whatever furthers the discussion toward a positive outcome for the person you’re talking with … and little more.

This may seem like an obvious thing.  But even a modest shift in the balance toward more listening and less talking can be a total game-changer.

And people will love you for it.

Best Wishes,

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Meet Denise: Denise Hedges is a Business Development Coach and Speaker Coach for small business owners who want to be more comfortable, confident, and successful with their sales and marketing efforts. She specializes in helping them use speaking as a way to dramatically improve their results

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